Help! I have just acquired a brand new teenager. It didn’t come with an instruction manual.
So far it’s behaving OK but I’ve heard some models can be temperamental. Is it true their heads sometimes rotate 360 degrees and they projectile vomit?
The thing is, I’ve got two other daughters following close behind her. I am going to be the father of a teenager for the next 11 years. I don’t get my release papers until 2028.
Don’t get me wrong – my kids are amazing. But I know there will be a few ups and downs during the course of this journey. There will be laughs and tears – maybe a nervous breakdown or two on the way, who knows? But one thing I’m certain of – it will fly by – and, before I know it I will be a farting old man, peering through rose-tinted spectacles out of his cold, empty nest, humming “Those Were The Days” by Mary Hopkin. (Farts, old men, nests, rose-tinted spectacles and Mary Hopkin, all in the same metaphor. Is that a record?)
So that’s why I’m starting this blog. I know how quickly memories fade. My mother is seven years dead; my father left this life nearly 40 years ago. How well do I remember the colour of their eyes or the sound of their voice? As the years pass, those memories grow soft, out of focus, like a pebble worn smooth by the waves. And I don’t want that to happen with my kids. So I’m going to write it down as it happens, while it’s still all fresh in my head.
And the second reason… I really do need your help. Because I’m not the first and only parent of teenagers in this world. I’m sure there are some tips you can pass onto me.
I don’t know if many people will read this blog – and don’t really care. I’m writing it primarily for my benefit. It’s a diary, a place where I can get stuff off my chest, maybe straighten out my thoughts. If anyone else finds it interesting, that’s a bonus. If you do choose to join me, don’t expect any great pearls of wisdom. There will be little consistency – my posts will be random jumble of observations on this f**ked up world our ours, viewed through the prism of a parent who tries his best – but more often than not screws up. I suspect I’m not alone.
Thanks for stopping by. Next post… The Rules.